


Come Back Soon Because

by seasaltsunflwr



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Depression, Kissing, Letters, Levi cussing a lot, Living Together, Love Letters, M/M, Missing Erwin, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-01-24 21:45:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1618133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasaltsunflwr/pseuds/seasaltsunflwr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Come back soon because you forgot your bolo tie and I can't imagine how you'd be able to look attractive without it. Then again I guess it would be better if you looked less handsome while you were away so that I wouldn't need to cut off the fingers of any whore who'd even dare to touch my man."</p>
<p>Letters from Levi to Erwin, all of which were written with a slightly different reason at the end for Erwin Smith to come home but with Levi hoping only hoping for one specific answer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Forgot Your Bolo Tie

15th April 856

Dear Commander Erwin Smith,

How are you? It has been exactly 42 days since we've last spoken. I assume it's because you've been terribly busy with whatever it is you're doing, wherever you may be. There's no need to worry as I'm obviously a kind man with a heart of gold, so I forgive you. Everything here is the same as when you left. It still rains every day in the evening and the puddles in the grass cause delightful, wonderful earthworms to appear on the patio. How lovely! Do let me tell you all the glorious details of my boring, mundane life, would you? So yesterday morning there were pink flowers I assume it's safe for me to be completely honest with you now since prying eyes would definitely have stopped reading my "boring, mundane" letter by now, right? 

If people could be compared to dirt do you know what you would be, Erwin? You'd be the kind of disgusting oily dirt that sticks to plates. The type of dirt that can't be washed off easily; the type of dirt that sticks to your fingers when you try to clean it off and ends up pissing ~~me~~  everyone off. Because that's exactly what you're doing right now, you thunderous buffoon. It's been MORE THAN A MONTH since I've last heard ANYTHING from you and do you know how pissed off I am?! I can't sleep, I can't eat. The only thing I do is fucking clean the whole fucking house twice a day because I'm stressed like mad. Every day all I do is sweep and mop and dust and wipe and repeat and make sure that your huge bed and all your gigantic buffoon clothes are immaculately pressed and neat and for what?! For some gigantic bastard who won't even contact me, much less come home. I made your favorite potato leek soup and wasted 2 hours that could have been used to clean the whole kitchen a second time just to bake you a stupid baguette.  Don't ask me why I did that because now I regret putting all that time and energy into making that meal just because I had a sudden stupid thought that maybe, just maybe, you'd finally come back. 

But don't flatter yourself, Smith. You're not the only thing that's succeeded in pissing me off. When I came outside to wash ~~your~~  my clothes and found the slimy worms slithering all over my recently washed patio, I almost crushed all of them with the sole of my boot. But I thought otherwise and decided to move them into the vegetable garden instead. They'll help the potatoes grow better right? That way when you finally come back, I can make you more potato soup. You just have to come back soon that's all. Then again if you come back late it's still better than not coming back home at all, I suppose. Just make sure you like worms in your soup.

What exactly in God's name are you doing anyways? You never told me anything when you left. Are you off fighting another war like the one we fought against the Titans a couple of years ago? Or are you part of a secret devil's society doing nasty things to innocent people. For God's sake Erwin why did you even have to go? Worse, what right did you have to just leave me alone in this house when you were the one who asked me to move in with you? The house is cold and lonely without you and I can't believe I'm saying this but I'd prefer to stay in a dirty, moldy house with you rather than be alone in a clean one. But I don't miss you. I just miss having you at home to lift your gigantic furniture with your huge arms. There are other reasons why I miss your stupid arms but I'll save those for when you fucking come back home, you piece of shit.

When I was first told to write to this address to contact you, I couldn't believe it. It seemed too impossible, too stupid. Nevertheless, people end up doing crazy, unlikely things out of sheer desperation. I sincerely hope this letter will reach you and when it finally does, you'd better reply. I didn't move in with you just to be left alone all day. I agreed to move in with you because you promised that since we had finally succeeded in the extinction of the Titans, that would mark our happy ending. You promised that we could finally be happy together. Well it seems we have two problems, Commander Smith. Firstly, I am not the least bit "happy" without you. Second, if you're not here, how the fuck does that equal to us being together? Don't break promises Erwin or so help me I will break your dick in two the next time we have sex. Yes, you coming home soon entitles you to sex. I hope that finally caught your attention.

I still remember the last time we were together because you told me you loved me but I never replied. Well, I finally know what to say. I just want to say it in person, is that too much to ask? God, Erwin. Please don't do this to me. Even humanity's strongest soldier is able to feel the pain of heartache, do you know that? 

Erwin, 

Wherever you are, please don't forget me. Because I can bet that I will never be able to forget you. This "long distance" nonsense is killing me. I need you home. With me. Take care and I hope to hear from you soon.

Yours sincerely,

_Levi._

p/s: Come back soon because your soup's getting cold and you forgot to take your bolo tie with you. Can't imagine how you're going to look attractive without it. Then again maybe it's better to have you looking less handsome while you're away. I'd hate to get my fingers dirty with blood while slashing off the fingers of any whore who'd dare to touch my man.

 


	2. My Pillow Is Too Hard

3rd May 856

Dear Erwin,

During your excruciatingly long period of absence (it has been sixty days by now since I've last heard from you, fucking hell), I've started to notice the smaller things in life. Actually that should not bewilder you since you yourself are so bloody huge that you unknowingly make everything seem so tiny and unimportant in comparison. I suppose it's true what people say about love constantly distracting a person and making them a big fool. Well now that you're gone (only temporarily, yes?), I'm beginning to spend more time in the garden due to pure boredom and I can say that the saying "April showers bring May flowers" is also surprisingly accurate. Remember the earthworms I told you about in my last letter? Well, sparing them has actually been a very good decision. The worms have certainly did what they were supposed to and now our garden is filled with potatoes, vegetables and best of all, flowers. 

You should have been here two days ago when they first bloomed, Erwin. As I groggily got out of bed, alone, that morning, my nostrils were immediately seized by the sweet smell of roses. That was when I suddenly remembered the long hours we spent together under the Sun last spring a day after you brought home a couple of young rose bushes. I remembered the smell of sweat and honeysuckle, the pain of aching knees from squatting on the ground for too long, the graininess of soil between my fingers and under my nails after I finally gave in and let you remove my gloves, which you slipped off with such care and gentleness and finally the bitter taste of dirt when you suddenly wiped your giant soil stained hand against my cheek for no goddamn reason; I remember tackling you to the ground and punching you for doing something so revolting; I remember hearing your stupid laugh in the background while I yelled insults and continued assaulting the man who was supposed to be my lover; I remember the second your expression changed and a more serious look appeared on your face, your beautifully chiseled face as you sat up, looked me in the eyes and said:

"Levi, I'm sorry. I love you,"

 And honestly, that was all that mattered to me at that time.

Those words were enough to make my anger and annoyance disappear as I let you kiss me. There was no urge for me to run into the house to clean my face, there was only an undeniable urge to just keep kissing the one and only Erwin Smith. We forgot about the unplanted roses and ended up spending the rest of the afternoon well into the evening outdoors, feeding each other freshly picked, unwashed strawberries from the garden like a couple of lovesick idiots: you, bare chested with your blonde hair messy and sweat-soaked like a farmer; I, sitting on a patch of grass covered with your grey shirt, looking back and forth between the fine hairs rising and resting with the rhythm of your chest as you breathed in, breathed out and the corners of your smiling mouth, stained with sticky red fruit juice. Never mind that you were dirty, sweaty, filthy, you could have been as poisonous as a forest mushroom and even that would not have made me feel any less like kissing you. I didn't flinch when you casually wiped your mouth with the back of your left hand and proceeded to one-handedly scoop me up and hold me against your chest with my head over your shoulder; all I did was wrap my arms around your neck and my legs three-quarter way around your waist (because if you haven't noticed, Erwin, you are as thick as the trunk of a medium-large tree and I am not some long limbed primate) as you carried me into the house, hand caressing my back and whispering sweet nothings as the evening Sun began to set and the sky turned purple in the background.

Erwin,

Wherever you are, I hope you haven't forgotten to shave. I've told you countless times that I don't like it when you have stubble because do you know how fucking annoying it is to kiss a fucking human cactus? Of course you don't because I'm always clean shaven, you lucky bastard. However at that moment on that hot summer's day, I swear I would not even have given a damn if you had a beard and looked like bloody Santa Claus. My eyes were closed (how _romantic_ ) when you kissed me but the touch of your fingertips as you brushed past my collarbone before you began to unbutton my shirt still lingers in my memory. Even though my skin was sticky, surprisingly your fingers were not; neither was your face which I had been stroking as you arched over me on the bed with your hot breath in my mouth. It was only when you had removed every single bit of your own clothing and I lay on the bed stark naked when I realized that I was not going to let you come inside me while you were still contaminated with the germs from the garden. You should have seen the look on your own face when I pushed you off and made my way, still naked, to the bath. The annoyance on your face was bloody obvious and the roll of your blue eyes did nothing to hide it but at least you had the decency to follow me and take a bath yourself as well before we continued our rendezvous. 

I didn't need a fucking oracle or crystal ball to tell you that we'd end up having sex sooner or later in the bath. One of the causes was very likely due to the size of your bath tub. It was fucking distracting to have your erect dick poking my thigh as I washed my hair while having to sit on your lap due to the lack of space in your smaller-than-average tub. It was also unfair for you to nibble the back of my neck while you lathered soap on my inner thigh when you were supposed to be scrubbing my back instead. But to your credit I must say that albeit having to squeeze in a small tub while my back ached due to having to bend in a weird position, that was certainly one of the most stress-relieving baths I have ever had in my life. 

You must think me a pervert for writing such intimate things in this letter. Au contraire, Monsieur Smith, I am only trying to remind you about one of the happier times we spent together before you left. Day and night, you're all I think about and even though that makes me sound like a love struck adolescent girl, there is no other way to put it.  Erwin, I miss you. I need you.

If for some reason you cannot come home, just reply my letter then. Ignoring me will only succeed in making me upset and angry. Just tell me why you can't home, just write to me, please. How long are you going to be gone, Erwin?

Do you know how miserable it is being alone, you piece of shit? Life with everything except you is as good as nothing because unfortunately for me, Erwin Smith, YOU are my everything. If I knew this was going to happen one day, maybe I would have stopped myself from falling in love with you. This pain, this never ending heartache from you not being here is going to be the death of me one day. 

Without you, this house just isn't home. I'm only happy when I'm with you and home for me is where you are.

Mon bien-aimé Erwin,

 

Please come back soon because I miss you and not only is the bed too big but alsomy pillow is too hard. I can't sleep. Don't bother sending me a stupid expensive goose-feather pillow, just come home and I'll be content with sleeping against your chest. I hate to admit but somehow the steady beat of your heart has been lulling be to sleep every night without me even knowing. Fucking come home already, okay?

Yours,

_ Levi _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twenty-one kudos in a week may not seem like a lot to most people but they sure meant a lot to me. Thank you so so much. Chapter two is much longer than chapter one and I've added dates to the letters to make them seem a tad more realistic. Besides the fact that his last name is now "Ackerman" (dang it), I still like to think of Levi as a man of French origin, so I hope the part where Levi speaks a tiny bit of French does not annoy you, because I still think of him (and Jean) as my French men. Honhonhon. The last part of Chapter 2 is inspired by the song "Take Me Home" by Us The Duo which I have been replaying over and over again while I wrote chapter 2 :)


	3. Depression Is Knocking At My Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone who has read Come Back Soon Because has been a real blessing to me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you to every single one of you who left kudos :’) The writing style of Chapter 3 is somewhat different from the previous chapters and I hope my readers will like it. Special shout out to Nanami a.k.a L_e_v_i from Germany who has been my biggest motivation to continue this fic. Your wonderful comments have played a HUGE part in helping me continue my story and without you, I think I would have given up by now. Lots of love for you <3 Okay enough blabbing from me. Readers, here is Chapter 3, which is twice as long as the previous chapters :)

Eyes closed, Levi pictured a flickering campfire in front of the bare toes of his outstretched legs. However, the imaginary campfire wasn't actually needed to keep him from freezing on this chilly night as the sea breeze tousled his black hair. For warming purposes, Levi pictured Erwin sitting next to him. Not really next to him, more like sitting slightly behind him so that Levi could lean against his broad chest and share his endless supply of warmth. He imagined Erwin’s arm around his left shoulder, pulling him close, while his right shoulder and upper arm half-pressed against the larger man’s ribcage. He thought about how their legs, one pair long and muscular, the other pair not so long but much better shaped, would intertwine and the possibility of whether or not Erwin would kick sand at his bare feet. Summoning a bout of hope and a whole lot of imagination he never thought he had left, Levi forced himself to feel as if there was a gentle burden resting against his soft hair; he pictured Erwin’s chin nestled in the crown of his ebony hair, imagined him breathing slowly but surely and for a few seconds, Levi swore that he could suddenly smell the unmistakable scent of coffee tinged with peppermint and sweat, hear a heartbeat loud against his ears, literally feel the familiar body, his missing puzzle piece fitting where it should be against his own weary torso.

But when Levi leaned towards the right, towards where the other man was supposed to be, his body fell sideways and all he felt was sand. Drowsily, Levi got up and dusted the grains of sand off his face and out of his hair. As he spat the bitter grains out of his mouth and back onto the shore, he realized that he had dozed off earlier, and his “Erwin” was all but a dream. Dreaming of Erwin made Levi feel anger and depression and everything else in between. Thinking of Erwin sometimes made Levi feel as if he was choking, drowning in sadness. But there was nothing he could do about it because everything, even the smallest things would trigger Levi and make the thought of Erwin appear in his mind. In fact, Erwin Smith was probably the only thought in Levi’s mind.

Just the beach itself could remind Levi of Erwin in more ways than one.

The blueness of the sea made him think of the color of his beloved’s eyes while the strong crashing of the waves against the shore was much alike the way Erwin acted sometimes: forceful, powerful, strong-willed. That side of his personality was shown mostly during his days as Commander of the army, but once or twice it was seen on other occasions, such as during sex. Levi shivered right after that thought but not because he remembered a few times when making love to Erwin ended up with him having multiple bruises and a terribly sore back, he shivered because the sea breeze was tickling him underneath his thin navy jacket and cotton shirt without his permission.

_“Levi, are you cold?”_

_“No, I’m just shaking because you’re presence is completely t-terrifying. Of course I’m cold. Why else w-would I be shaking, Erwin?”_

_“Well you could have just said so. Here, you can have my coat,”_

_“Are you sure you don’t need it, Smith? Because I’m not going to drag your gigantic frost-bitten body back to the house if you drop dead because of me,”_

_“Thank you for being so concerned, love, but I’m fine. You might not need it but it’s my job to take care of you now and I’d rather kill myself than to let you be cold or hungry or sad or--”_

_“Bah. Erwin, would you stop it with the whole “knight in shining armor” façade, please? You’re making me sick,”_

_“Oh Levi. I’m only saying that because I mean it. And I love you,”_

Levi sighed at that memory. _Dear, Erwin,_ he thought to himself. _I’m cold and hungry and sad_ now, _so where are you?_

“Levi!”

He didn't turn around when he heard a woman’s voice calling his name. Instead, Levi ignored Hange and turned the door knob of the wooden chalet before walking inside. She was probably excited to see him because he’d skipped out and ditched the rest of the group, his _friends_ , during dinner.

As he lay on the hard bed, Levi almost felt bad for isolating himself from everyone else during the trip. Hange had invited him to the beach for a short vacation because she insisted that spending some time away from the house would do Levi some good. “You've gotten paler and that constant frown on your face is only succeeding in making you look older and uglier than you really are. Please come to the beach with us, Levi? You’ll have so much fun,” she said with a worried look which hardly ever appeared on her face. Everyone who had eyes that worked knew that Levi had become both a figurative and a literal wreck post Erwin leaving. They knew that he spent almost all of his time cooped up inside and Eren had started spending more and more time there. Even though the rest of the now disbanded Levi squad wanted to visit, the only people allowed into Erwin’s (now Levi’s) home were Hange and Eren. Eren was in charge of buying food supplies (including vegetables because Levi’s little vegetable garden had rot away due to lack of tending) and cooking while Hange was his “therapist”. She was the one who encouraged him to write the letters to Erwin in the first place and currently she was the one who was keeping him from shooting himself. “You know he loves you, right?” she’d say like a sort of daily mantra to convince Levi. “Erwin loves you a lot, Levi, and you know that he will come back for you. So in the meantime while he’s gone, talk to him. Tell him about your day. And make sure to make the letters seductive so he knows what he’s missing,” Hange winked awkwardly and Levi shot her another of his annoyed looks but that night, which was a month after Erwin left, Levi took out a piece of paper and wrote his first letter until he fell asleep at his writing desk.

Tonight he was too tired to write, but not tired enough to sleep. So Levi looked up the cobwebbed ceiling and thought about what he would say.

_Dear Erwin,_

_I’m cold and hungry and sad_ now, _so where are you? I can hear the waves from my chalet and it’s So. Fucking. Annoying. I haven’t left the house for about three months since you left because I've been waiting for you and if you decide to come back on the_ one day _I’m away, then fuck you. You can fuck yourself from here to hell and back…_

He was lying on his side in a fetal position now, breathing heavily and angrily into his pillow. As his grey eyes surveyed the room, Levi realized that it was filthy. Hange must have chosen this place due to because it was cheap. Normal Levi would have gotten up right away to disinfect the room but currently, he was nowhere near _normal_. At the moment he was a zombie-like Depressed Levi and this Levi did not and could not give a fuck.

_Sorry. Just come home. Come back. Please. The flowers and the vegetables and pretty much the whole garden is gone now so no more potato leek soup. You don’t deserve any anyways, you lousy “lover”._

Outside, Levi could hear waves and bellowing male laughter. _Idiots,_ he thought. They were probably drunk. How revolting.

_Remember that time you got drunk after Nanaba’s Victory party? You were one of the most pathetic drunkards I have ever seen. Running around trying to be “friendly” and continuously telling stupid jokes to people who couldn't look at you because of the disgusting boozy smell you were emitting. Rolling on the floor laughing at nothing. You don't know how big of a sacrifice it was on my part to have to follow a gigantic drunk idiot around the house the whole night just to make sure that you wouldn't get yourself into any trouble. Not to mention that I also had to bathe you and wash your vomit crusted hair the next morning. If I didn't love you I would have just left you alone and gone home. Instead I let you lean your heavy frame against me as we walked home and even let you sleep in the living room instead of in the garden. You probably don't remember but I painstakingly made you fresh tomato juice the next day and wiped your chin as you drooled while hungover._

That was the last time Erwin had let himself get drunk. The reason why he became a moderate drinker wasn't because of the earful that Levi had given him once he had sobered up or because of the fact that he had embarrassed himself the night before. No, Erwin stopped drinking without limits because of what he saw while he was hungover. He saw the person who was the most precious to him in the entire world, squatting over a bucket and scrubbing his pungent vomit stained shirt over and over again, because Levi knew that was Erwin's favorite shirt; he saw Levi struggling on a stool to reach the top of the shelf to get an extra blanket because Erwin couldn't hide his shivering. When he was supposed to be sleeping, Erwin felt someone stroke his hair gently (which unfortunately intensified his migraine) and kiss his forehead. Then he heard Levi's voice saying, "Fuck, Erwin. What am I going to do with you?"

Those actions made him notice how lucky he was to have found someone who loved him so much, but those words made him realize that if he wasn't careful, if he did not appreciate Levi, he could end up losing his one shot at happiness. 

And from that day on, Erwin Smith did all he could to be the best lover in the entire world. Well, a close second at least. There was no denying that the Levi had won the best boyfriend award hands down. But Levi never knew that he was the reason Erwin started to control his alcohol drinking, because Erwin never told him the truth.

Levi was still lying on his side but now he was looking outside the window next to his bed. The view outside was certainly better than the dirty floor, and looking outside gave his eyes something else to do besides shedding tears that ended up wetting his pillow.

_How does it look like where you are, Erwin? Are there stars at night, or is it foggy? Are you stranded in the jungle maybe? How's the weather? I hope it's frigid and harsh so that it makes you come back home soon. Come back soon because I miss you, Erwin. Don't you miss me?_

Looking out of the window did nothing to stop Levi's tears from trickling out of his dark circled eyes. He wiped them away roughly with the sleeve of his shirt.  _Stop crying,_ he demanded himself. Levi never cried, not when his closest friends died, not when he failed, not even when sex hurt so bad that he wondered why people called it "making love". For a moment, he looked at the door and half-sighed, half-hiccuped. There was nothing he wouldn't give for Erwin to burst through that door right now...

So Levi stared at the door and waited.

And swallowed. Tears and saliva and sadness.

And wished for Erwin to come through like the knight-in-shining-armor in fables and fairy tales...

_Erwin, if you can hear me, please come find me. If you get here right now, the only thing I'll do is kiss you. Kiss you so hard that our lips will hurt. I promise that I won't get mad at you for abandoning me for the past two and a half months. I'll forgive you. Because I love you, Erwin. I love you so much and I don't think I can live without you._

But of course, none of those exists, so nothing happened. 

Nothing magical or fairy tale-like happened, but the door did open suddenly, and when that happened, Levi couldn't stop himself from sitting up and looking towards the door.

"Just you wait, Jean! I'll kill you in the morning, you bastard!"

The door was slammed shut and the owner of the voice cursed under his breath before he noticed Levi staring at him.

"H-heichou! I'm so sorry, err, I thought you were asleep,"

He'd forgotten that stupid Eren Yaegar was his room mate. Levi flopped back down on his own bed and pretended to sleep in an attempt to hide his disappointment and shame.  _Fuck, fuck, fuck. How could i have been so fucking stupid?_

He could pretend to sleep, but unfortunately he could not pretend that he wasn't crying.

"Heichou, is everything alright?"

Levi was facing the wall, but he could sense Eren's shadow hanging over his body.   


"Leave me alone, Eren"

And surprisingly, that's exactly what the younger boy did. No questions, no talking, he just walked away. And Levi was sure that he was partially relived. 

A short while later, the younger man came back and sat on his own bed opposite Levi's. He didn't say anything when Levi glared at him with tear stained eyes, just continued to fiddle with the key hung around his neck. 

"Go to sleep, brat," It had been a long time since Levi had called him that. The "nickname" earned a shock look from both of them when Levi said it.

"Are you okay, Heichou?" It was a rhetorical question and Eren knew that. He knew that number one, Heichou was most certainly not okay; and number two, he was or had been crying about Danchou. He'd spent so much time at Levi's house that he'd seen how badly Levi missed Erwin. He knew that Levi hadn't washed the bed sheets since Erwin left because he didn't want to lose the smell of Erwin (coffee, peppermint and a tinge of sweat, even Eren remembered). "You can talk to me,"

Levi sniffed loudly. Eren couldn't tell if he was sucking up his tears or that was his reply. "What would you know about losing someone you love,"

"I lost my mother when I was really young," Eren looked Levi in the eye when he answered. He wasn't trying to be indignant or trying to fight back, he just wanted Levi to let him in, to trust him.

Levi didn't apologize. He just looked up and the ceiling and sighed.  _The only thing I'll do is kiss you._ It had been such a long time since Levi'd kiss Erwin. Two and a half months was too fucking long. Once they started living together, Levi and Erwin kissed every day. Because kissing Erwin just felt so right, so _good_.

"Eren, come here,"

Obediently, Eren came over and sat on Heichou's bed. Levi sat up before Eren sat down and moved his body next to the younger man's. He didn't have to wonder whether or not Eren was good at kissing, he _had_ kissed him before, once. It was so obvious that time that Eren Yaegar had a crush on him so in the heat of the moment one day when he was lonely, before he loved Erwin, Levi kissed Eren. It was nothing special and Eren was too shocked to kiss properly (either that or he was a terrible kisser) and so it never became anything special. It just became nothing.

_ Kiss you so hard our lips will hurt. _

And kiss him he did. However it wasn't Levi who made the first move,  _Eren_ did. There they were, sitting with their thighs touching on the single bed with the plain white sheets and Levi's tear-stained pillow when Eren bent down and touched the corner of Levi's mouth with his lips. He didn't kiss his lips at first because he didn't want to steal something so precious as a kiss from depressed man but when Levi didn't pull away, Eren didn't stop, didn't _want_ to stop. Levi's lips weren't cottony soft, instead they were slightly chapped but that didn't deter Eren one bit. In the wooden chalet on the beach that night, Eren Yaegar kissed Levi as if it was his last chance.

The first time he was kissed by Levi, Eren flinched and left his brown eyes open for the first four seconds. Probably because that was the first time he had ever been kissed in fifteen years. They were sharing a tent during a Survey Corps mission in the woods and it was raining. Naturally, they had huddled their sleeping bags a little closer to share body heat. Eren's head was turned the other way and he was half asleep when he suddenly noticed something pressing against his own lips against his teeth. When he opened his eyes, he flinched and jerked backwards. Levi just pushed forward slightly until Eren fell back onto the sleeping bag and Levi was on top of him. Stunned, Eren then closed his eyes and opened his mouth slightly. It wasn't that he didn't want to kiss Levi, he just really didn't know how to. Plus he was afraid that if he did something stupid like lick the inside of Levi's cheek or accidentally bite his tongue, Levi would never kiss him again. The kiss only lasted about another minute before Levi got bored, got up and pat Eren's head (was that how you were supposed to treat non-adults? Levi didn't know) before distancing his sleeping bag and Eren's and going to sleep. The next day, Eren got up early (actually he didn't sleep. How could you possibly sleep after being kissed by the man of your dreams?) and left the tent before sunrise. He jogged alone in the woods, trying to clear his head, trying to think what he would say when he inevitably saw Heichou."Good morning, Heichou. How are you?" "Hey, heichou. Did you sleep well last night?" "Wow, I sure slept great last night! How about you, Levi-heichou? Any good dreams?" Ugh. He shook his head gruffly, hoping that he could shake out the flush in his cheeks.

But there was no "Let's talk about last night". When Eren saw Levi, the older man was not acting any differently from usual. It was either that Levi had been sleep kissing or worse, that kiss meant nothing to him. It broke Eren when he thought of that, so he just convinced himself that he had dreamt the kiss instead of it actually happening.

This time, his eyes were closed from the moment he bent down and brushed his nose against Heichou's. When Levi didn't resist, Eren didn't stop kissing. He kissed Levi gently, as if he was using his mouth like a cotton ball to blot something. That "something" being Levi's sadness.  _Don't cry, Heichou. Danchou might not be here, but I am. And I love you._ There wasn't any lip biting or hair pulling, clothes tearing or neck nibbling; just simple ol' mouth to mouth kissing. Eren wrapped both his arms around Levi, a sensation the older man hadn't felt in a few years, and pulled him closer. He brushed his hands through Heichou's hair while Levi held on to Eren, one hand on his shoulder blade, another quivering on his pajama-clad thigh. Eren noticed when a tear rolled down Levi's cheek. He untangled his hands from Levi's smooth locks and moved them down to cup his chin before kissing the salty droplet on his cheek.  _I'd kiss away all your tears,_ he thought to himself.  _I'd stay with you forever and never leave your side, Heichou. If only you'd let me._

Their kisses were accompanied by the sound of the waves on the beach on that cool, breezy night. They kissed, and nothing more, until Levi's eyes started to flicker like a candle flame about to extinguish and his head slumped downwards from time to time. Soon, he was leaning against Eren, not snoring at all, his forehead below Eren's collarbone, his mouth gaping slightly, his breathing slow but even and the fire in his eyes finally put out. Eren looked at the clock on the wall, it was 2 o'clock in the morning. He sighed due to tiredness and gingerly lied down on the bed with Levi next to him. However, his back arched painfully and too tightly against the wall and there was no room between his face and the back of Levi's head for him to breathe. Eren got up from the too small bed and unhappily walked back to his own. But before that, he got up and tucked Levi in and kissed him for the last time tonight. "I love you, Levi-heichou," he breathed, hoping that his whisper was loud enough to enter the sleeping man's dreams; but not loud enough to wake him up.

Eren Yaegar pinched his arm as hard as he could once he was in his own bed.  _This is not a dream,_  half of him was praying to an unknown God, or maybe all of them; the other half was wishing.  _Tonight was real, this is real._

The God's must have heard his prayers, or maybe Lady Luck had been shining upon him, because this was one hundred percent real. Tonight  _happened._

Tonight, a few seconds ago, after Eren had whispered his confession, Levi subconsciously replied him. Unfortunately, Eren left his bedside too soon before he could hear what said reply was.

"I love you too, Erwin,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, this is an Erwin x Levi fic and I'm really sorry if the Ereri scene offended any of the Eruri fans QAQ  
> I can assure you that this is just one part of the story and the ending will be eruri... maybe. I'm sorry I'm a bitch but I haven't decided either! Truth is, I'm an undecided shipper but I actually dislike the fact that I can't decide. Thus, the ending pairing of the story MIGHT change depending on when I finally pick my ship. I'm so sorry OTL
> 
> The is no real "letter" in this chapter because it's still an unwritten draft in Levi's head. So the thought parts are basically the letter this time. I hope that's okay. I really like comments and you can even tell me what you disliked in this chapter. Thank you so much for reading, have a nice day :) <3


End file.
